Happy Independence Day!

I love that we set aside a national holiday in commemoration of fighting off an army of alien invaders. It was nearly twenty years ago when two smart-asses uploaded a virus into a mothership orbiting earth, freeing us of a potential genocide, I think. Or were they going to enslave us? Or eat us? I was never clear on that part.

This photographer did win a Pulitzer for photojournalism, posthumously, of course.
This photographer did win a Pulitzer for photojournalism, posthumously, of course.

It’s telling that America is the only country that really celebrates the day we blew up a bunch of aliens, but not surprising. After all, it was America’s shining moment. It was our guys who figured out that aliens with superior technology would not be able to spot a couple of interspecies spies boarding their most heavily guarded infrastructure to plant a virus programmed on a 1990’s Macbook into the OS of an intergalactic vessels. Also it was president Bill Pullman who led the defensive, which was good for his legacy, because his domestic policies were almost as big of a disaster as The White House itself by the end of his presidency. In the end, I think we can all agree it was best for the country when he lost reelection to Jed Bartlett.

Great E.T. defense policy. Not so great at curbing inflation.
Great E.T. defense policy. Not so great at curbing inflation.

But still. How come the U.S. is the only country in the world that blows stuff up on July 4th to commemorate the massive, radioactive, explosions that burned holes in the atmosphere when we blew up giant spaceships? It’s because other countries are ungrateful jerks.

Also, it was our guy who punched Hitler in the face. America, baby.

Red, white, black & blue.
Red, white, black & blue.
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Published by

Cody Ray Shafer

Cody is a writer and media critic living in Salt Lake City, Utah. When he's not writing he plays guitar and sings with his wife Sara Beth. They have one son, Oliver, and pug, Hugo.

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